Twoson Tribune
The Archive of Travelers' Tales
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Missing Girl Rescued from Cult
A local teenager was rescued yesterday from the clutches of the Happy Happy Village cult by a heroic youth named Ness. The Happy Happy Cult, led by Mr. Carpainter, has been active in Twoson and the Happy Happy Valley where cult members have painted the town blue. Paula, the daughter of the owners of Polestar Day Care, was abducted several days ago in Twoson by Happy Happy cult sympathizers. The girl used her remarkable telepathic abilities to lead Ness to the location where she was being held prisoner. Once Ness reached Happy Happy Village, he searched the cult hall and reportedly fought several Happy Happyists before reaching Carpainter's shrine. The cult leader was unwilling to hand over the keys for Paula's prison cell to Ness. Ness then battled the false prophet and won the key, releasing Paula soon thereafter. When the two young heroes returned to Twoson, there was great rejoicing.
Runaway Five Tour Leaves Twoson
After an extended stay of several months in Twoson, the famous blues group, the Runaway Five, is set to leave town. Owners of the theater where the group had been performing said that the Five had owed them money, but that a mysterious benefactor had paid off their debt of $10,000.
Happy Happy Village Happy Once More
With the humiliating defeat of Mr. Carpainter at the hands of Ness, most of the cultists who had moved to this once-peaceful town have suddenly lost the faith. Work has already begun on the renewal of the town, which was painted entirely blue by the fanatic followers of Carpainter.
Inventive Kids
Twoson's renowned inventor, the Apple Kid, revealed today that he is working on his next great invention -- Zombie Paper. The Pencil Eraser was a challenge, but this zombie trap is even more difficult.
Windfall
The youth from Onett, whose self-proclaimed mission to save the earth brought him to Twoson, today received $10,000 dollars from a reformed hoodlum in Burglin Park. The money was given to Ness with no strings attached, in small, unmarked bills. Ness revealed that they knew exactly where he was going with the money ... to the theater.
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