Winters News
The Archive of Travelers' Tales
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Tessie Sighted
Jubilant members of the Tessie Watching Club report seeing a large dinosaur swimming in the waters of Lake Tess yesterday morning. The recent account is hotly refuted by local skeptics, who refuse to believe there is any truth to the legend that a dinosaur lives beneath the surface of Lake Tess. The stories regarding the four-limbed Mesozoic Era reptile have existed since the founding of Winters in 1889. "People couldn't believe the Fourside Rangers would ever win the Stanley Cup, but they did," argued an unidentified Tessie Club member. Critics of the report argue that the Tessie Watching Club experienced a "group hallucination." "You get a group of people camping out there in the snow -- they catch hypothermia and start acting weird," commented one local pessimist. "Remember when those producers filmed that rock video here last year? The same stupid stuff happened. You can't run around in the snowy woods wearing leather, chains, and a guitar."
Youth Flees Dormitory
Administrative officials of Snow Wood Boarding House are quietly investigating the recent disappearance of student Jeff Andonut, son of the famous scientist Dr. Andonut. "All I can tell you right now is that the young man is in BIG trouble," commented Ms. Snidely, head disciplinarian. The youth has been missing since late last night. Residence directors will not comment on whether or not the disappearance was linked to cookies stolen from a dormitory room. Rumors persist that the student left because the school cafeteria was serving Tendakraut.
Bad Key Machine Invented
While technicians at Maxwell Labs refuse to confirm or deny reports of a breakthrough in locksmith technology, industry insiders hint that a revolutionary new tool has been invented for opening doors. "They can't tell anyone, cause if they did, thieves might steal the device and use it on doors everywhere," explained Anthony Bigmouth. Detailed technical specifications for the device recently appeared on the Internet.
Monkey Linked to Dinosaur Sighting?
An escaped laboratory monkey is believed to be linked to yesterday's sighting of Tessie the Dinosaur. Both locals and experts remain puzzled over the mysterious series of events leading to the sighting of the large reptile but speculate that the primate encouraged the beast to surface. "I saw this monkey running around the Drugstore earlier today," stated Thelma Dingquist, local pharmacist. "I yelled at him after he opened up a couple of boxes of laxatives. Somebody game the critter some gum and he went away." The monkey was later seen following an unidentified youth into a nearby forest.
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